| Recent Entries |
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May. 6th, 2005 @ 01:41 pm
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this is the moment i disappear |
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i dont like you
but i love you
seems that im always thinkin of you
oh oh oh |
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if i ever feel better remind me to spend some good time with you
you can give me your number
when its all over ill let you know |
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i cant get that sound you make out of my head
all the bad dreams are not far from reality
i am finally seeing that i was the one worth leaving
people say that your dreams are the only things to saviour
come on baby in our dreams we can live on misbehavior
he knows that the taste is such to die for
she swears im a slave to the details
but if your life is such a joke why should i care
your perfect verse is just a lie you tell yourself to help you get by
i got a thang for them big body benzes
i want a lover i dont have to love
waiting for your call, superheroCurrent Music: life is random |
| » (No Subject) |
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i am destroyer
i am lover
i love one thing
destroy the other
Mar. 14th, 2005 @ 11:29 am
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| » will you smile one last time for me |
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i am the most selfish person i know
theres never a moment of silence
i want to feel numb but i cant stop crying
fuck you
i want to be alone
nothings turning out the way i planned
they wont leave me alone
i want to turn it all off
these lights are so fucking bright
im changing and i cant stop
you said you would always be there but i always felt alone
im so insignificant
he'd be so much better off
i will be guilty either way
he doesnt deserve to see me like this
im so fucking ugly inside
someone get me out of here and dont ask any questions
i just want to forget it ever happened
Mar. 8th, 2005 @ 04:44 pm
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| » naughty girl |
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secrets secrets are no fun.
secrets secrets hurt someone.
Mar. 5th, 2005 @ 12:01 pm
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| » eff |
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dear journal,
i need you again more than i have ever needed you before.
i promise not to abuse you or forget about you ever again.
i wont tear out any pages.
i wont keep any secrets.
will you take me back?
ok sweet.
now back to me.
this has been a weird week.
1. i was dumped/back together/was the dumpee/back together/finally dumped again...which is now the finality of that situation
2. for the past two months i have been seeing alot of dead people in my dreams. not glowing guardian angels or anything. real corpse bloody, brainy, bugfilled, wakes me up screaming and i have become addicted to tylenol pm freaky ass dead people.
concerning situation labeled as number one.
i have been doing really good.
last night was a minor setback however i have regained my senses and my blood alcohol level and i am back in the game...
as with number two.
i feel like alot of dreams have meaning. especially those that are reccuring or have the same theme. i might just use this as a dream log possibly for some interpretations.
so im back here in the ether world tell a friend i dont even think anyone uses half the names in my friends list anymore.
also where the eff is my mac i ordered it forever ago?
and i need to use an updated user pic someone remind me how to do that pixel thing.
Feb. 24th, 2005 @ 04:19 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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i just wanted to see if this thing still worked
if it did say holla
Jan. 9th, 2005 @ 01:36 am
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| » skank insurance |
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D1sc0SupErfly: hay
D1sc0SupErfly: did you get that skank insurance yet?
NKOTB90210: ya
NKOTB90210: so
D1sc0SupErfly: what
NKOTB90210: i have had it
NKOTB90210: what is
NKOTB90210: my skank insurance
D1sc0SupErfly: so for when you are running around with you titties hanging out, you get arrested you have insurance
D1sc0SupErfly: or if you injure one or both of them
D1sc0SupErfly: its covered
NKOTB90210: injury and theft
D1sc0SupErfly: now you get it
D1sc0SupErfly: you have been unprotected all this time
Aug. 12th, 2004 @ 05:43 pm
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| » thats better |
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Jul. 17th, 2004 @ 11:24 am
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| » where am i and how did i get here |
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i dont even like cats.
i never pet zoe.
but i did tonight.
i thought she looked lonely.
and then i realized its me thats lonely.
Jul. 15th, 2004 @ 10:42 pm
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| » interesting... |
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this is very interesting. 
Jun. 13th, 2004 @ 12:31 pm
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| » beg me for mercy |
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tonite i knee'ed a man in the junk. i cant get into all the details as to of why, but lets just say it was rightly deserved. the thing is that i really liked doing it. i think the man-hating dark angel bitch side of me is pretty ritcheous, so gentleman beware because i prey on the innocent and blind sighted.
I just finished eating a bowl of all-natural, homeopathic, straight from the garden type rice dish. I would feel so good about it except i accompanied it with a half-way thawed, straight from a funky factory hot dog on a stick. when will i ever learn?
i think something is about to give. crazy.
Apr. 22nd, 2004 @ 03:47 am
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| » Sorry Ma'am |
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today i am trying to be a sad girl.
sad because i got a speeding ticket,
and sad because i almost cried for the first time in a long time over money.
74 in a 55.
this was the first time i actually got cited.
i remained calm all throughout the procedure.
she was nice enough, because i didnt have an insurance card with me and she filled out her slip checking the box that said she did see it.
but after she told me it would be nearly 130 dollars i started to feel less sheepish and more like wanting to burn a flag on the hood of her fucking car.
so as i pull away i put in the saddest song i can think of.
i felt like inserting a feeling like sad is a much more appropriate emotion than anger.
at this time i tell myself "haley go ahead and cry just do it and you will feel better"
and i wanted to i really did.
i thought "yes i can do this i can cry about this. and then those tears will lead to crying about other things and it will be a cleansing experience that i am definitely in need of."
i just really want to know why i couldnt do it.
was i thinking too hard?
i guess i dont have much to be sad about. but i do i think i really do. i just have this severely fucked up way of avoiding bad thoughts at all times.
its like i can make them disappear without even trying at all.
i have noticed people close to me often wonder how i can be so "cold" about things.
i think it has to do with the fact that americans are becoming less like primates, and more like robots. and i was born under the moon of a god who deals out circuitry instead of passion and feelings.
i got kindof fucked in the deal.
but in a way it helps because i still feel the good emotions just rarely the bad ones.
and its not like i want to change and learn to be somebody else. i just want to know if its ok
and is it like i am repressing thoughts?
is my own conscious mind doing things behind my back?
i thought i was too smart for that.
if i am aware of repression, and how it works, and why then how can i be its victim?
its seems contradictory.
Apr. 12th, 2004 @ 12:06 pm
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| » the lowdown |
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crap started off slooow last night
i think open mic night monday is stealing crapeokie nights thunder
but things got hype as jinelles birthday crew showed up
i do know that i got wasted and danced my freakin ass off though
sometimes i wonder what i must look like when i dance because i never really tried to do it in the mirror before
maybe i will try that sometime soon
i think i definately should....
jinelles afterbirthdayparty was pretty fun i got into a fight with doorman dan i think he hates me because i threw him to the ground - totally kicked his ass
he is a wimp
i fell inlove with leslie last night she is a funny girl with a great british snob accent i only wish i could be a snobby brit like her
what else happened
drea got all shitty and puked at my house after she tried to run a BFI truck off the road
she thinks her little pontiac is a road demon........i dunno must be the spoiler
she was litterally honking her horn at the truckers trying to get them to get out of her way
then she used my toothbrush i just know it
and the worst part is that she wasnt gonna tell me
i went in the bathroom after her
picked up my tooth brush and it was WET
thank god i checked the bristles just in case
and when i confronted er seh said oh well yea but i used it before i puked
YEAH RIGHT
unbelievable....drea you crazy girl
i think she has a new lj name too but i dont know it
help me out people
i had a good time last night tho i made two new friends one of whom is going to be my new AIM buddy and the other one is a AIM buddy turned real live friend
and that was funny because i noticed that every time he talked to me he kept typing out the letters of the words he was saying in the air
pretty crazy
so i am going to cincinnati this weekend i havent been there yet so im pretty excited
i think im gonna head to the zoo see the monkeys and whatever else they cage there
listening to th enew phoenix album
thanks matt
it is too cool for americans most of you will never be able to appreciate it but thanks to my new founded british accent i love this album
Apr. 8th, 2004 @ 04:07 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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today is 4/4/04 and i meant to write this entry at 4:44 but i took a bubble bath and fell asleep in it
i had this weird dream about being bound at the wrists by these crazy gangsta pirates and forced to walk this gold plated plank
naturally i woke up as soon as i hit the water and just as my head was going under in real life
so i missed 4:44 4/4/04 sorry vkellog
anyways on top of this crazy coincidental day i have come to the understanding that the planets are aligned at a T-square which means that it puts us at a very stressful situation on the universal map and people may react to situations in their every day life a bit more stressfully than they normally would
that soundslke a bunch of mustard to me but if you want the real shit ask astrologer bob he will give you the lowdown on all that
Apr. 4th, 2004 @ 05:13 pm
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